CHAPTER 1-2

 

Her absorption with muffins, however, was not sogreat that she failed to look up sharply every time the inner pair of swing doors openedto admit a newcomer.

　　So it was that she smiled and nodded to welcomeColonel Luscombe – erect, soldierly, race glasses hanginground his neck. Like the old autocrat that she was, she beckoned imperiously and in aminute or two, Luscombe came over to her.

　　"Hallo, Selina, what brings you up to Town?"

　　"Dentist," said LadySelina, rather indistinctly, owing to muffin. "And I thoughtas I was up, I might as well go and see that man in Harley Street about my arthritis. Youknow who I mean."

　　Although Harley Street contained several hundreds offashionable practitioners for all and every ailment, Luscombe did know whom she meant.

　　"Do you any good?" heasked.

　　"I rather think he did," said Lady Selina grudgingly. "Extraordinaryfellow. Took me by the neck when I wasn‘t expecting it, andwrung it like a chicken." She moved her neck gingerly.

　　"Hurt you?"

　　"It must have done, twisting it like that, butreally I hadn’t time to know." Shecontinued to move her neck gingerly. "Feels all right. Canlook over my right shoulder for the first time in years."

　　She put this to a practical test and exclaimed.

　　"Why I do believe that‘sold Jane Marple. Thought she was dead years ago. Looks a hundred."

　　Colonel Luscombe threw a glance in the direction ofJane Marple thus resurrected, but without much interest: Bertram’s always had a sprinkling of what he called fluffy old pussies.

　　Lady Selina was continuing.

　　"Only place in London you can still get muffins.Real muffins. Do you know when I went to America last year they had something calledmuffins on the breakfast menu. Not real muffins at all. Kind of teacake with raisins inthem. I mean, why call them muffins?"

　　She pushed in the last buttery morsel and lookedround vaguely. Henry materialised immediately. Not quickly or hurriedly. It seemed that,just suddenly, he was there.

　　"Anything further I can get you, my lady? Cake ofany kind?"

　　"Cake?" Lady Selinathought about it, was doubtful.

　　"We are serving very good seed cake, my lady. Ican recommend it."

　　"Seed cake? I haven‘teaten seed cake for years. It is real seed cake?"

　　"Oh, yes, my lady. The cook had had the receiptfor years. You’ll enjoy it, I‘msure."

　　Henry gave a glance at one of his retinue, and thelad departed in search of seed cake.

　　"I suppose you’ve beenat Newbury, Derek?"

　　"Yes. Darned cold, I didn‘t wait for the last two races. Disastrous day. That filly of Harry’s was no good at all."

　　"Didn‘t think shewould be. What about Swanhilda?"

　　"Finished fourth." Luscomberose. "Got to see about my room."

　　He walked across the lounge to the reception desk.As he went he noted the tables and their occupants. Astonishing number of people havingtea here. Quite like old days. Tea as a meal had rather gone out of fashion since the war.But evidently not at Bertram’s. Who were all these people? TwoCanons and the Dean of Chislehampton. Yes, and another pair of gaitered legs over in thecorner, a Bishop, no less! Mere Vicars were scarce. "Have tobe at least a Canon to afford Bertram‘s," he thought. The rank and file of the clergy certainly couldn’t, poor devils. As far as that went, he wondered how on earth people like oldSelina Hazy could. She‘d only got twopence or so a year tobless herself with. And there was old Lady Berry, and Mrs. Posselthwaite from Somerset,and Sybil Kerr – all poor as church mice.

　　Still thinking about this he arrived at the desk andwas pleasantly greeted by Miss Gorringe the receptionist. Miss Gorringe was an old friend.She knew every one of the clientele and, like Royalty, never forgot a face. She lookedfrumpy but respectable. Frizzled yellowish hair (old-fashioned tongs, it suggested), blacksilk dress, a high bosom on which reposed a large gold locket and a cameo brooch.

　　"Number fourteen," saidMiss Gorringe. "I think you had fourteen last time, ColonelLuscombe, and liked it. it’s quiet."

　　"How you always manage to remember these things, Ican‘t imagine, Miss Gorringe."

　　"We like to make our old friends comfortable."

　　"Takes me back a long way, coming in here. Nothingseems to have changed."

　　He broke off as Mr. Humfries came out from an innersanctum to greet him.

　　Mr. Humfries was often taken by the uninitiated tobe Mr. Bertram in person. Who the actual Mr. Bertram was, or indeed, if there ever hadbeen a Mr. Bertram was now lost in the mists of antiquity. Bertram’s had existed since about 1840, but nobody had taken any interest in tracingits past history. It was just there, solid, a fact. When addressed as Mr. Bertram, Mr.Humfries never corrected the impression. If they wanted him to be Mr. Bertram he would beMr. Bertram. Colonel Luscombe knew his name, though he didn‘tknow if Humfries was the manager or the owner. He rather fancied the latter.

　　Mr. Humfries was a man of about fifty. He had verygood manners, and the presence of a Junior Minister. He could, at any moment, be allthings to all people. He could talk racing shop, cricket, foreign politics, tell anecdotesof Royalty, give Motor Show information, knew the most interesting plays on at present –advise on places Americans ought really to see in England however shorttheir stay. He had knowledgeable information about where it would suit persons of allincomes and tastes to dine. With all this, he did not make himself too cheap. He was noton tap all the time. Miss Gorringe had all the same facts at her fingertips and couldretail them efficiently. At brief intervals Mr. Humfries, like the sun, made hisappearance above the horizon and flattered someone by his personal attention.

　　This time it was Colonel Luscombe who was sohonoured. They exchanged a few racing platitudes, but Colonel Luscombe was absorbed by hisproblem. And here was the man who could give him the answer.

　　"Tell me, Humfries, how do all these old dearsmanage to come and stay here?"

"On you’ve beenwondering about that?" Mr. Humfries seemed amused. "Well, the answer‘s simple. They couldn’t afford it. unless –”